Friday, November 16, 2018
Glen had a better night, which helped the rest of his day go better. Thank you Jesus! I kept waking up around 4-5 times a night but thankfully have been able to go back to sleep. I felt the Lyme symptoms kicking in again today as I walked up the Issels Clinic stairs with Glen. My heart started pounding like mad and my legs and body were going weak again.
“No way!” I said aloud. “I will not allow this to happen,” I finished with a thought and then a prayer. “I rebuke this Lyme disease in Jesus’ great Name,” and finished climbing the stairs leaning against the wall for support and catching my breath.
Glen looked back at me knowingly and I waved him on. The first thing on his agenda was a massage this morning with Robin. My breath and strength came back in record time and I slowly walked in and sat on one of the soft leather chairs. The support wasn’t that great but I was thankful for the cushioning. I hauled out my computer and wrote for an hour while people wandered in and began treatment. As I was writing Dr. Miller, the psychologist came out to meet me. He was meeting with Glen and would call me in for part of the session in 45 minutes. An hour later, after I moved the Santa Fe twice to continue avoiding a parking ticket, Dr. Miller came and got me. I sat in the cramped office almost touching knees with Dr. Miller. Both Glen and I were not at all used to being on the receiving end of counselling but it felt good to tell our story.
The question from every professional looking for stress as the cause for cancer in Glen’s life came quickly. “How’s your marriage? Glen calls you his blonde beauty and told me about how you met in Bible College.”
I smiled. “It’s great. Did he tell you about the horse?” I asked.
“No, we didn’t get to the horse. I guess I had other things to say but that was important,” Glen smiled.
We didn’t get to the story of the horse in that session and that was ok. We both smiled as we remembered it though. When I was 11 years old I moved with my family from Manitoba to Saskatchewan so Dad could pastor at Osler Mennonite Church located twenty minutes North of Saskatoon. A year after living in the parsonage my parents bought a ten-acre parcel of pastureland and built a house. We planted 3000 trees, built a barn and fence for my horse Star that I finally owned having purchased her with bottle money collected from the ditches. $100.00 to my cousin Lori for the purchase of my first horse. Uncle Menno, Auntie Shirley and Lori brought her over from Manitoba in a truck with high side rails! I would ride Star everyday heading out in the large ditches that Saskatchewan has and over to any field that wasn’t being used by the farmers. I was the only one with long blonde hair that would ride there. One day as Glen was driving with his parents from his home in Alberta to his older sister Donna’s house who lived in Rosthern, Saskatchewan he saw me riding my horse in the ditch.
“That’s the girl you’re going to marry,” he heard in his head. I don’t think he gave it a second thought until we started becoming closer in Bible College. He didn’t tell me that story until we got married. I’m thankful he didn’t because I needed God to tell me too – and tell me he did. A few times actually.
The first time was in first year Bible College (Columbia Bible College) when Glen and I both sang in the choir. I got on the choir bus not knowing too many people yet. We were heading to Columbia Bible Camp, now known as Stillwood, for a choir retreat. Glen was sitting alone and I’m guessing I was near to last to board the bus. He quickly made room for me and the conversation was so comfortable, the young Glen so kind, that I felt completely at ease.
“You could marry him,” I heard in my head.
I quickly dismissed the thought as weird as I was dating someone else at the time. Time marched on and I was single again. Glen and I were on a choir tour together with CBC (Columbia Bible College) and ended up being billeted out together. A male and female to my knowledge were never paired up for billeting. I sat beside Glen at a farmer and his wife’s table and was so relieved I didn’t have to make conversation because Glen came from a farming background. I was completely sleep deprived from late hours and insomnia and felt absolutely, beyond a doubt comfortable with this young man.
“You could marry him,” I heard again and thought I was delusional. I excused myself for an early bedtime. I wanted to do a few stretches before bed and liked to dilly dally a bit as I wound down. Half an hour later I saw Glen’s shadow at my door. I was on one side of the door thinking, “Should I let him in?” while he was on the other side of the door thinking, “Should I knock?” Being good kids I didn’t let him in and he didn’t knock but somehow we formed a bond. We were already good friends.
We know without a doubt that God made Glen for me and me for Glen. We were put together in such an amazing and miraculous way with the Holy Spirit nudging each of us towards each other for many years. Dr. Miller didn’t hear the story but it’s certainly worth telling. When Glen got the cancer diagnosis I was doing some prayer journaling. I listened to the Holy Spirit and heard this:
“Oh how I love you! You are like a precious gem that shines so bright. Your love for me is unwavering even as I carry you through these dark trials and darkness. Stay in My arms child. Look at My face. My eyes. See My strength and do not waiver with any fear. This illness of cancer and your illness are for My glory. Nothing is impossible for Me! I am teaching you both. Carrying you both. You are both so precious to Me! Your boys are mine and I love them beyond words. Keep dreaming! Keep moving forward! Keep writing. And pace yourself child. I am healing Glen! Trust Me. I am healing you. Trust Me. You and Glen were and are divinely appointed to be together. To serve Me together. Here on earth and in Heaven. You will not be separated on earth (right now) or in heaven for you are a dynamic team who complete each other. We (together) are one together – a thickly braided cord that cannot be broken. The enemy will not prevail over you My children!”
When Glen’s parents were over in June Mom saw a very large muscled man in their room (our spare room). I figured it was an angel. The Holy Spirit confirmed that with these words next:
“Those were angels Mom saw. And you have many more assigned by Me to bring you strength, power, peace and healing. My gift to you. I love you child. Rest in Me.”
Bear in mind that those words are very personal for me to share and that I truly believe they are not just for me, but for others as well. With something as serious as a “terminal” diagnosis we are hesitant to say what we are hearing from God because we are prone to human error and do not wish even one to walk away from God because of our circumstance. It is in the hearing of the Holy Spirit’s words that we are brought comfort and are able to live 100% in hope for Glen’s future and my future with Glen in it. Without the hope of Christ and His everlasting presence we would not have much to stand on. All the positive thinking in the world, strong as the mind is, is not enough. The power of prayer because of WHO we are praying to is where the miracles are. I was truly saddened when I heard from someone who had asked Glen what he did to get rid of stress very quickly dismiss Glen’s answer of prayer. I wonder what happened to this person to make the power of prayer so easily dismissed and felt deep compassion for this individual. We will not stop praying. We will not stop praising our God. The enemy will not prevail.
The evening was the first evening where Glen had a small semblance of energy and was not constantly in the bathroom. He even did the dishes! We have reason to praise so praise we will!