November 9, 2018
The night was long. It took me a long time to fall asleep as per my usual but the other nights I had taken a small allergy pill to cheat the sleepless nights and be able to make it through my days. Apparently half a muscle relaxant was not quite enough. That and Glen was up around 6-7 times last night sweating up his bed again and on the toilet. He said he thought his night was better. I suppose it was. Glen was much more down this morning than normal. It’s really hard to maintain an attitude of gratitude and positivity when you’re consistently not feeling good. He was having much trouble with all the many losses. Being forced to leave his job with a terminal illness title stamped on his forehead (or so it feels like in the tough moments). Having his wife be the only one to work so losing that purpose of taking care of me. Feeling like all control has been taken away with the many appointments for months that I push (and yes, I would agree that I push that because I’m desperate for him to be healed). Feeling like his wife has a direct line to God and he doesn’t … this morning the list went on. I tried to talk with him but in the end it did little good. Sometimes we just need to go through things and let it take its course. I can’t change his attitude.
We prayed together renouncing lies, fears, sadness, desolation… his heart wasn’t in it. I stopped, pulled out my computer and simply began to write. Dr. Torres came in around 10:20 am and prepared Glen’s leg for the Dendritic cell immunotherapy injection. He put a numbing gel on it and covered it with a plastic piece saying he would be back in twenty to thirty minutes with ice to do the injection. I kept writing and Glen fell asleep. Two hours later Glen woke up and Dr. Torres finally came back in with the nurse Ricardo from the other lab where they had cultured Glen’s cells. I videoed the whole process because apparently I was supposed to do the next injection! Say what?! They put that needle in a long ways. Man do I miss my mother! I’m willing but perhaps a better idea would be a nurse of whom we know many. Glen did work in mental health after all. I was praying hard that this would work. Go Natural Killer Cells Go! They left and we set the timer for ten minutes after which he was supposed to go for a walk.
As we left our room Sheilagh and Maureen walked out for their walk so we walked around the longish block together. It was the farthest I have seen Glen walk in months. It certainly gave me hope and my spirits a lift! Sheilagh also told us an interesting story about her time in Afghanistan. She drove a motorbike there and wore a white helmet with a visor. Apparently police officers would randomly stop motorbikes, hop on the back and tell them to drive them wherever they needed to go. Because her helmet was a different color than the locals and she was a woman who wasn’t supposed to be driving, the kids called her “the ghost”. One day a police officer pulled her over, hopped on her bike and started telling her where to drive him. She turned around, looked at him and pulled up her visor. He was shocked! He jumped off the bike and was like, “The ghost! You’re real!” He then waved her on. Not only was he not supposed to be that close to a woman, apparently she was a bit of legend.
Glen pulled out his Bible app and showed me the verse of the day that I had seen earlier but not said anything about. “Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”
The tears were running as he hugged me close and apologized for being negative. My amazing man is facing a terminal diagnoses. I’m pretty sure it’s normal to have a few grumpy hours! That was easy to forgive. Him giving up would be a hard one to forgive. I just hugged him tight. I never want to let go of my wonderful man.
Lunch came late as usual – at 2pm. Finally the last multi-vitamin IV came which was a two-hour drip. As it dripped we popped in “Narnia – Prince Caspian” which is probably one of my favorites. Glen’s IV stopped dripping near the end so the timing was perfect for a movie. Sadly Glen was not feeling up for another walk. His bowels had begun working overtime again and a fever was setting in. We wandered down to get another couple of movies for the next few days here at the hospital. Glen went back to the room to rest and I joined Sheilagh and Maureen for a longer walk.
The walk was lovely. The sun was already setting and we walked on extremely bumpy sidewalks that looked like a few earthquakes had taken them out in many places. There were a lot of people out walking and driving as I’m sure we had hit rush hour. We walked to an interesting outside type of mall, walked through it, and then back again exchanging stories with each other. Dirty as the streets were, crazy as the traffic was and crossing streets felt like taking your life into your hands, I felt safe because Sheilagh had much worse stories of driving and walking in Afghanistan!
Arriving back at Hospital Angeles we then waited for dinner. By 7pm it finally arrived. Being used to eating at noon and 5:30pm ish these different hours have been a bit difficult on my fragile system. I am still thankful for the food though. Tonight it was quesadilla’s – vegan of course. Sheilagh and Maureen stopped in for a bit while Glen was sacked out on my little bed with a bit of a fever and extreme exhaustion from the Dendritic Cell therapy injection today. I am taking his fatigue to mean that the treatment to boost his immune system is working – again I will be firmly camped in Camp Hope. Dr. Torres also said the night sweats mean the cancer is being attacked and coming out through his sweat. We’ll take it!
The most beautiful and prophetic part of the day was this morning. A friend posted a response to my post about Glen getting his treatment yesterday. Here’s what he said:
“Had a dream about Glen last night. He was sitting in someone’s backyard on a lawn chair. I said I was surprised to see him; I thought he was in Mexico. He told me he only had to stay for a day, that he was already doing so much better. Then he leaped up and did a front round-off. I hope it’s prophetic.” (Kevin Miller)
I hope it’s prophetic too and I believe it is. God has more for Glen here on earth before He takes him home. In Jesus’ Name we accept this gift of life and will do what God has prepared ahead of time for us to do by the power and grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen and amen!!