September 11, 2019
Let the Little One’s Lead us…
It’s been awhile since I have written in this portion of my blog. The grief journey…it’s intense. I have lot’s to say but little time to write it! The month of August was very busy and a bit of a blur for me. I launched into the “fast” mode that I know, even though God had told me to rest. I was taking time off from work – wasn’t that rest? Though it was all good stuff that I did, I came out on the other end of August absolutely exhausted. My sprinting pace caught up with me and I am now paying the price – extreme fatigue but back at work. Yup…learning ever so slowly to pace…to say “no”. Man that two letter word is hard for me to use!
What has been prominent on my heart since my time at Camp Squeah is to share about how children have touched my heart so dramatically. I made it my mission to try to engage with as many staff at Camp Squeah as I could. I was there for them and though my personality is smack dab in the middle of “introvert/extrovert” I pushed myself to be brave and try to sit at a different table for every meal so I could converse with and meet each person and their cabin of kids. That lasted until day two…lol. I got to the table with a little eight year old who was self described as “sassy”. Agreed! I loved it as she engaged me in conversation or just sat quietly beside me. (Mostly not quietly though). The other girls in the cabin also talked with me and it was really great. The little sweetie asked me wonderful questions such as, “How old are you?” with a penetrating look. I couldn’t fool her! Her cabin mate joined in the game as I said, “Guess,” feeling a little sassy myself. We finally got to my age and she warmed my heart with, “You don’t look any older than late twenties”. Love it! Then she looked at me and asked if I would join their cabin at every meal. Hmm…How can one say no to that? I felt loved and accepted by the child and her cohorts. I agreed to join them at least once a day for a meal and they were happy with that.
Every time I saw this little group of girls they were excited to see me (and I them!) It is heartwarming to be included, to be “adopted”, to be accepted for really no particular reason except that they like you and you like them.
At one particular meal we were outside having a BBQ. The girls kept eyeing my necklace where Glen’s ring hangs from my neck. They didn’t ask any questions – yet the inquisitive eyes said it all. I held it up and told them. “This was my husband’s wedding ring….” They quietly looked at me as I took a breath and continued, “He passed away in January…” I finished quietly. The one beside me gave me a long empathetic look and then simply leaned over and gave me a big hug. No words. Just a wonderful hug. The one across from me (as it was just the three of us this particular time) gave me the same empathetic look and then quietly asked, “What was he like?”
I smiled. My heart swelled. That was two of the most perfect responses one who is grieving could possibly receive! A hug, and wanting to know all about Glen. An opportunity to talk about my beloved is valued. To share with these wonderful girls who Glen is to me is priceless. Who they need to hold out for in marriage when they get there…someone of intense value who will love them and treat them as the Princess’s that they are… They listened well and asked questions well. It was beautiful and I will always treasure that!
Back at home when I have little one’s over (with their parents), they will inevitably climb onto my lap and gather around me. I’m sure it’s because I love them all so much and they feel it that they come to me. One asked me, “Does DeOrro help?” (with the grief was the conversation as they were asking me questions). “Yes, he sure does,” I responded. And looking at four wonderful children surrounding me I added, “And so do you guys.” They smiled.
Last Sunday after church I dropped in on my wonderful friends who have a toddler. I was really tired and have been fighting a migraine again all week. The toddler struggles with eczema from head to toe so one of the parents (my friends) has to sleep with him for nights and napping in order to keep him from scratching himself to bloody. It’s pretty sad. The toddler is a trooper though. When I walked through the door he was supposed to be napping with his mom. He heard me (oops!) and walked out. He grabbed my hand and led me to his room saying, “Auntie Lolo nap…” I smiled. I could use a nap! So we said, “I love you” to mom and dad and settled in for almost two hours cuddling in a nap. Wonderful! God knew exactly what we both needed and gave his parents a break as well. When this sweet toddler awoke the next morning beside my dear friend he said with his eyes still closed, “I love Auntie Lolo.” He’s a little heart breaker already! ☺
Moral of the story? Be innocent like these wonderful children…Let the little children lead us!