October 14, 2020
The Night Terror
Terror coursed through my body as I stared into the inky blackness. My eyes groped for something to see, a small light, anything. There was nothing. I was falling. Falling without ever landing. The terror of falling launched through my body and I screamed in the agony of the fear! “Help me!” I cried out in a scream I didn’t even recognize. Over and over I screamed for help until I “woke” myself up… Yet I was still not awake. Now I was in the lucid dream state and I grappled with reality versus the reality of what I was seeing in the lucid state of dreaming. My throat was hoarse and I heard myself scream for help again with a blood curdling wrench from my very soul.
I sat up hugging the blanket to me. I was alone, yet still in the lucid dream. The “aloneness” of my reality was pure horror and torture. It was pitch black.
“Get a hold of yourself Laurel,” I muttered. Breathe,” I commanded myself. “You’re dreaming again. It’s those stupid lucid dreams.”
I continued to self talk myself down and stared into the darkness. It felt familiar yet I was too afraid to put my feet down. I knew I was in my bed now but was I suspended in mid-air still falling? I tried sitting up again, as I had fallen back, and then fell back into the bed again. “Aha!” I self talked again. “You have a migraine. You’re so dizzy you can’t stay sitting. The room is spinning. You dream crazy when you have so much pain.”
Yet the terror continued. I was utterly alone and in complete darkness. The confusion was beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. I held my head in my hands and begged the Lord for help. I groped for my lamp but couldn’t find it. Taking a very deep breath I put one tentative toe on the ground to be sure that there was ground under me. I knew that I was still lucid dreaming and though I told myself to wake up I couldn’t get my pained state to do what I wanted. Finding the floor under my feet reassured me that I was indeed in my bedroom – yet so afraid! Where was Glen?
I hugged the bed and put both feet on the floor. It wouldn’t do for me to pass out and hit my head. With my head hugging the bed hopefully I would fall forward if I passed out. Inch by slow inch I made my way around the bed to Glen’s side and turned on his lamp. His side of the bed was not slept in…where was he? In the bathroom? I struggled upright and stumbled through my sliding door into the living room. Kabelo was standing there in shock and quietness, waiting for me to come out. Now I was awake yet not quite sure what was going on. Groping the walls for support I fell into the chair outside my door and put my hands on Kabelo’s sweet doggie head.
“Ok,” I said. “I was clearly having a nightmare.”
I was mumbling out loud.
“Where is Glen?” I said it out loud. Then reality slammed me backwards into the chair. It was a good thing I was sitting down already. Glen was gone. Gone until I reach eternity or God comes and mercifully takes me home. Glen was probably praying for me from above but I was the only one there, save the dog. Tears fell unabated down my cheeks. When reality bites almost as hard as the dreams…
“Take a migraine pill my love,” I heard Glen’s deep voice echo in my mind from years of him knowing me. “Your dreams are always crazy when you’re in so much pain.”
“Yes my beloved. You’re right. I just can’t stand up yet or I’ll fall over. Why on earth did God take you beloved man? You were so strong and my brain is so crazy, especially escalated with so much pain…”
The answers were not apparent.
“Pray my beloved, my beautiful one. You’ve been under attack by the enemy taking advantage of your aloneness and your physical pain. Pray,” said the Voice who guarded me, the Voice of the Holy Spirit whispering into my heart.
“Yes,” I agreed and began to pray aloud using the Levelling Prayer Technique that the Lord has taught me and I use daily in warfare with clients.
Eventually I rose to my feet. I was unsteady. The dizziness was huge. The migraine was still very much there. It took every ounce of courage I had to walk back into my bedroom, take a migraine pill and spend the rest of that dreadful night in the bed without my Glen.
The morning came with the same amount and intensity of pain. It was Sunday and I was determined to get to church. We were meeting outside and I needed my friends. I did the self-maintenance to be able to drive safely – take another migraine pill, laser to try to get the neck and head back into structural position, eat breakfast…though nothing tasted like anything…. then drove the twenty minutes to church.
I arrived and walked to the barn where people were seated outside. I was forty-five minutes late so searched for a back spot where I could put my lawn chair. I saw Josh and headed towards him and his friends. The sermon was soon over and we were meeting in groups for prayer. Prayer. Yes, I needed prayer. Could I share this with my son and his friends who were in my group? “Yes,” whispered the Lord to my hurting soul. “Yes, he is a young man now. Him and his friends would be delighted with your transparency and real need for prayer.”
With trepidation I ventured forward. “I need prayer…” My voice trailed off as I bit back tears. The water rolled down my cheeks anyway. I had been traumatized by the dream…was it a dream? It felt real…
The friends prayed for me and as they prayed I heard the Lord speak to me what it was.
“It was a vision. You were under demonic attack. I allowed it because you needed to see this and warn people. You were brought to the brink of hell.”
My breath sucked in with surprise yet absolute clarity.
“You experienced what people will experience when they reject Me,” said the Holy Spirit to my spirit. “Absolute aloneness and absolute darkness for apart from Me there is no light. You are to share this.”
The tears flowed down my face even more. Obediently, through clenched teeth and jaw, I shared what I heard from my Lord with my boy and his friends (my friends too). They prayed more for me.
Service ended and I found others. Again I burst into tears as the reality of my night hit me and I shared what happened.
The Lord our God is God. He is one God. He is the only God. He is Light in the darkness and without Him there is no light…I experienced this darkness, this separation from God in order to share with others the horror of being separated from our great God. May you stay in the Light of our Heavenly Father and be blessed by the contrast of His blessings and warmth upon you. May His grace shine upon you and give you peace in the chaos of this world. May you release Him from any anger you have against the Healer, the merciful Savior who offers us eternity freely because He gave His life in ransom for ours. He doesn’t owe us anything else. Yet He gives us so much more. Praise be to God.
October 14, 2020